Before anyone panics, SoMT and episodic blogging for SC! are still going to continue.
I just wanted to mention this ahead of time so it wouldn’t feel like I dropped a huge bombshell for everyone who knows me well enough. But yes, I am sadly going to cease blogging by close to the end of this year if not sooner. My reasons are stated under the cut. It’s goddamn long and will make you think “Ugh, bitch complains too much” so think twice before reading the direly needed rant.
Anyone who follows me on twitter already knows what I’m talking about. A while back, I said I might stop blogging around September of this year, which is also the time I’m guesstimating that Shugo Chara! (maybe both the manga and anime) might hopefully end. I haven’t really decided if it was my final decision but I think it’s pointless to dwell on it any longer. Blogging isn’t for me. It’s not blogging that’s the problem. God knows how much I love it cuz it’s so fun to do. It’s just me…and I’m tired.
I made this blog because I wanted to blog the ongoing anime and manga I follow. But lack of time and I guess, serious connection to any other series besides SC!, caused that plan to backfire. Now ěk-sěn’trĭk looks like it’s a blog completely devoted to SC! which was not my intention at all.
And that second-to-last reason sounds stupid but as many of my readers know, I analyze and ramble a lot. And I can only do that if I find myself really, really drawn into a series cuz it’s easier to generate a post out based on all the thoughts . Maybe it’s a little silly cuz I do know there are other anime/manga out there that are as or more deep than SC! but though I can certainly connect with them, I’m just not getting as much out of it as I would’ve thought. It’s not enough to motivate me to want to ramble out it on and on for ten pages or more.
Yes, I’m a person who can’t settle for nice, brief blurbs. That’s not my thing. Blogging (only for me) has to be lengthy. Not to mention, when I ramble that much, it takes up a lot of my time and energy to make a post and those are rather limited even during the summer with my courses and all. SC! just so happens to conveniently air right before my weekend so I can spend a whole Saturday delving into it till I’m content. And after doing a major long post, I’m exhausted. I don’t really want to do anything else for a few days.
Which leads to my procrastination disease (aka me sitting around and doing absolutely nothing but staring up at my ceiling). I cannot count how many times I said to myself, “Ok, I’m going to blog _____ and post a review about it on ______”, angst about how far behind I am, and then give up cuz I’ve angst over it so much that it would be just better if I let it go than continually drag it on and endure self-torture. It left me very distraught cuz I had to delete quite a few good drafts for things I really, really wanted to talk about. But when it’s two months late like how it was for my beloved idol Utada Hikaru’s latest English album (Hikki, please forgive me), I just can’t bring myself to post it. I know it shouldn’t be a big deal cuz hell, post it whenever you feel like it, right? Still…I just can’t. *wallows in self-frustration*
…Heh. Yea, believe it or not, I actually did had high hopes and a large amount of confidence that I’ve found the substitution for SC! when it finally comes to an end and therefore, save my blog from being almost permanently glued on a one-way road. And that was Pandora Hearts. And it’s a shounen series. God, it’s been so long since I’ve been back to shounen especially since I’m just fed up with TRC even with its latest chapters. I really wanted to blog PH so I could rant about how horrible Xebec was for making it so crappy-looking (and it still does is crappy looking but I’m still following it) and go on and on about how the manga was so much better. But due to procrastination, I just…lost it.
…So yea, I really won’t force myself to blog when I don’t feel like it but I don’t want this procrastinating to keep on eating away my insides when I actually feel like blogging. It’s awful. I’d rather just…can’t believe I’m saying this since I love blogging so much but would rather not have a blog then think of it as a burden. Which I don’t but…y’know.
Among other things, I think I have a slight bit of a mental problem but this is just what I think
so I’m right since it’s about myself and anything else you say otherwise is incorrect cuz I’m stubborn about my issues :P and I won’t go into too much detail. Either way, I’ve become increasingly negative about a lot of things and that’s mainly due to stress from my outside life. Namely the problems I’ve been having with my family and such. Shut up. This is a mental issue for me! … See. I feel sorry for the people who have to deal with me (I complain up a storm every single day on my other personal twitter account) and I don’t want it to become more of problem than it already is, especially on something that is entirely unrelated. It’s true. My negativity seeped into too many of comments and I hate it. I’m not a person to continue going on about a bad mood. I just tell myself to suck it up and move on. Too bad that hasn’t been working lately so I’m pulling my whole self out first. I can’t stand it when I can’t control my temper. I feel like a fanbrat. Ugh.
And speaking of fanbrats…I don’t think I can take fandoms anymore. This is far from saying that fandoms are the cause of my blogging coming to a somewhat end cuz I blog because I want to scream shit at the crappy fandoms for their often massive stupidity ruining everyone else’s appreciation for an anime or manga. But after experiencing what has got to be one of the most (or just my most) horrible fandoms in history, I really don’t have the stamina to go through another. And every fandom has its fair share of bad fans. I’ve just had enough of them.
I’m old. They aren’t worth the trouble or attention. Not that I ever got any bad fans who visited my blog (god, I love my commenters so much because I know most of them are SMART!) or interacted with the wrong crowd or anything but I think it’s time I started ushering my hobby back into its secluded (yet comfy) spot when I wouldn’t give a damn in the world about what the shallow, immature brats thought. If I like it or am fine with it, and you don’t, then you suck, loser!
…aha~, my temper got the better of me again. Sorry.
Just wanted to make it clear (in case there are any misunderstandings) for all the bloggers and commenters I talk with on a regular basis or anyone else who I can hold a decent conversation with that I never, ever ever ever thought this way of you. I really do appreciate people who are true fans and can tell who’s shallow and who’s not and usually the shallow ones like to stay as far away from me as they can…and they better cuz I hate it when someone ruins my mood over something so trivial and just plain stupid. I’ll rip them apart and you know I will.
…*sigh* I think it’s also because I’ve been so active in fandoms lately that I’ve become even more sensitive to what other people think. Especially people who make negative remarks so easily (on something I actually like a lot) with and (more often) without so much of a good reason and then smile to themselves and think they’re the best for thinking so. Maybe the former I wouldn’t mind too much since they can back up what they say and I can just learn to ignore/get over it but the latter just gets me extremely angry. I know it’s all about respecting other people’s opinions and that on the internet, you can say whatever the hell you want but I’d just like to see a little more reserve, that’s all. It’s not that I’m closed off to disagreements. I just want it done with composure. Keh, but I know that’s impossible so what use is there in me saying it and hoping for any improvements now? And it’s not like I haven’t felt the same way or done similar things at times but I never pompously flaunt it around as if it’s the Pope’s underwear or anything.
Ok, I’ll shut up cuz then I’ll be setting everything to my standards (another thing I want to avoid). I just find that kind of negativity rather offensive when it doesn’t really apply to certain situations. It just suddenly ruins my good (or at least, stable) mood and I’m left to deal with it until I’m tired enough to sleep off the bad feelings. Of course, I can just ignore their stupid comments or just say to myself it shouldn’t matter but…I can’t. I’m not going to lie, it is upsetting for me. It does matter to me. I’m a sensitive person. And sometimes my stupid, cursed curiosity gets the better of my common sense when I do see something that will surely make me infuriated. What’s frustrating is since it’s someone else’s opinion on a public site and I actually have more decency than half of the world does (or maybe I just lack the guts, I don’t know), I have no right to yell in their face about how utterly retarded they are so I’m forced to bite down on my tongue and stick my head into my pillow for the next few hours feeling disgusted.
…But oh, I really should do that sometime. I really should. Against the flimsy fans, anyway. Sure, you can say whatever you want (to be slammed down in the most excruciating way) but it’s another thing to let others be infected by your own immature stupidity and then let it multiply. This has happened way too much for me to stand cuz it’s ruining the meaning of what a fandom/dedicated community should be…
…*sigh* Whatever…it shouldn’t matter anymore. I’m pulling out. I don’t want to care unless I choose to. *heavy sigh*
Oh yea. I miss writing. Just writing for fun. Not planning a novel or anything. So I want to get back to that and a few other things I have planned. Don’t know if I’ll be able to since I’m still kept busy even by SoMT and SC! alone but I’ll try.
That and I’m not going to attach myself too closely to a series like I did to SC! anytime soon. If I get too attached to it, I get too serious (and therefore, too sensitive). There’s also nothing new that I find really extremely exciting or anything that would make me go remotely…
…anymore. That’s disappointing.
I’m probably the only person in the world who has not touched an episode of Eden of the East.
*gets killed by fans* The summer lineup looks alright but in truth, even that with the expected fall lineup I’m just looking forward to because I have something to look forward to. And I think that’s easier on me. I just want to enjoy watching something. Blogging it would be fun but it’s just more stuff to do. And I’m not up to it anymore.
…um…but I guess I still have room for a little hope (maybe for a certain light novel I want animated but chances of that happening are still slim at this point). Though I’m pretty sure blogging is going to come off my Want-To-Do list, ěk-sěn’trĭk is still going to stick around just in case I feel like sharing any news or thoughts about…well, anything related to anime or manga, merchandise I bought, or stuff of the sorts. No personal emo-ing. I think I gave everyone enough of that already. ^^;
It’ll probably be rarely, though. I don’t buy a lot of stuff often (well, as of late, that’s not true |D; ). I’d like to comment on albums I got but nah. Then I’ll have overly-critical music fans running amok and they annoy me.
Let me just remind that I’ll still be doing SoMT even after I cease blogging. I put a lot of work into it so it’d be a shame if I just dropped that now. Plus, it’s my baby. None of you can have it. It’s mine, I tell you. MINE! Nyaaa~ :P
And of course, I’ll definitely still be floating around the blogosphere, visiting everyone’s blog, making long ass annoying comments cuz that’s what I do best.
Haha, so yea, just reassuring that I won’t disappear.
And so ends this sloppy SO PERSONAL post. I’m glad I got that off my chest. Ahhh~ Now I can do everything without feeling strained. Though I still have a lot to do but will get to that later. *relaxed*
Sorry if you had to read through all this crap and it just wasted a good 10 minutes of your day. I’ll find a way to make it up all to you. TwT
But here, some more cuteness at least.
Kyaaa! Chii is so cute! <333
lol, ok. That's all.